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August 04, 2008
Yes, but...
At the recent AC Co-Coaching Forum we did a group coaching exercise where we deliberately "gave advice" or "made suggestions" to the coachee. What was fascinating was that although the coachee had asked for help, when we gave it, he or she constantly responded with, "Yes, but...!"
What became apparent for me during this scenario was that by giving advice we unintentionally (or was it?) and yet implicitly appeared to criticise both the coachee's interpretation of their issue and the actions they had taken so far. Their defensive Yes, butting was their mechanism for self-protection. It was their way to avoid the pain or shame of their fear, the fear to take what they knew within themselves was an appropriate next step.
Even with the best intentions to help, as a general rule, I really must be mindful and resist giving advice, even when asked. It can be so arrogant and at the same time debilitating for the client. And at the same time, sometimes it is really hard to resist when I think I know the answer!
Posted by Alison at August 4, 2008 09:08 AM
